Linda: For some people, giving comes naturally. To create a great partnership, an abundant amount of giving is required. If you dream of hearing your partner say that you are the woman of his dreams, there are a number of tasks that you can accomplish to bring that vision into reality.
Look at the following list to see which one represents your growing edge, and then decide to commit yourself to growing in that area. All eight of the components are necessary. If we are deficient in any one area, it will hold the level of success down.
She has become the woman of her man’s dreams when she:
- Shows her abiding devotion, adoration, and love for him in many ways, checking in with him to make sure she knows his favorite ways to have her caring shown
- Demonstrates her respect for who he is
- Is genuinely, completely committed to their relationship
- Becomes his trustworthy friend
- Works out their differences in a skillful manner
- Makes sex a fulfilling experience for both of them
- Believes in his strengths, abilities, and greatness, and encourages him to evolve into the best he can be
- Takes good care of herself so that she experiences abundant well-being. Only then is she coming to him with a full tank, and able to freely give the friendship, respect, commitment, sexual pleasure, support, and love that he needs to thrive.
In the early part of my relationship with my husband, there were years when all I wanted to do was to show my beloved partner, in as many ways as I possibly could, how much I loved and admired him. I felt so lucky to have a good man, and I dedicated myself to showing my devotion to him.
But I only practiced the first seven steps on the list. I didn’t even know that the eighth item existed. As a result, our partnership became somewhat lop-sided with me doing more giving, and my husband doing more receiving. I became strong and accomplished in the first seven of the eight guidelines for success, but then hit a ceiling.
For a long time, I didn’t understand that the balance of giving and receiving is crucial. I was too heavily weighted on the giving side. I had to master the important missing component. All eight parts operating in concert are the secret to success. My husband and I renew our vows on our wedding anniversary and Valentine’s Day. We don’t expect to automatically re-enlist in our relationship. We take the time and effort to make a conscious choice, and in so doing declare out loud to each other what we are committed to one another in this next phase of our marriage.
One year, I couldn’t think of anything new to add to my vows, so I asked my husband if there were things he would like from me. He asked me to declare that I would take better care of myself. As I took a look at what work would be required to make the necessary changes, I became more aware that I had been groomed by my family, and the female gender conditioning of the wider culture, to focus on being in service to my husband, my kids, and others. The concept and behaviors of responsible self-care were never adequately addressed. It became clear that self-care was not as strong as it needed to be for me to move to a higher level of well-being for myself personally and for my marriage.
My husband, on the other hand, because of his family and the male gender conditioning that men receive from the wider culture, has always been strong in the area of self-care. And in the spirit of expecting the best for himself, he wanted me to be the most-rested, relaxed, and content that I could be, so that I could bring my happy self to him. It was enlightened self-interest on the part of my partner that motivated him to confront me about not giving so much to him, to save more time and energy for myself, so that the first seven items on the generosity list would be brought to him with more ease, intensity, and vitality.
I did declare responsible self-care, and as soon as I began to live that vow, our relationship moved to a higher level. By balancing the giving and receiving in our partnership we took a big leap up, and I was able to rest assured that I had achieved my deeply desired goal of being the woman of his dreams. When my husband said these words out loud to me, it was the fulfillment of my grandest dream.
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“Love experts Linda and Charlie shine a bright light, busting the most common myths about relationships. Using real-life examples, they skillfully, provide effective strategies and tools to create and grow a deeply loving and fulfilling long-term connection.” —Arielle Ford, author of Turn You Mate into Your Soulmate.