Source: © Rita Watson 2017 “We Cannot Hide Under A Tree. We Must Embrace Honesty.”
We cannot really control our emotions, and anger is an emotional response. We feel what we feel. However, we can control our actions and reactions. When I heard the words of Donald Trump saying that some of the alt-right were good people, I was furious. I was still fuming until I walked into our elevator. There I ran into a deeply religious Haitian woman. As I started to vent, she turned to face me directly. Then she pointed at me and said, “Don’t you say a word about Mr. Trump. Put him out of your mind. He will get what’s coming to him. Do not let him take your peace.”
She had a point. But were her words enough? In my mind I began to think about the research on the damage that anger does to our bodies. And then I thought of colleagues at Yale who have deemed the president to be mentally unfit to serve, and I felt some sense of pity: Shrinks Define the Dangers of Trump’s Presidency – Psychology Today. As I thought about my neighbor’s words, I said to myself, “If this man is mentally unfit to govern, than he should be pitied and also be forgiven.”
Our reaction to anger can harm us
Oftentimes when we are angry, we simply lash out at the other person. And when it’s the elected leader, we can lash out only on Twitter or Facebook. It may alleviate some of the tension we feel. And we know we can take action at the voting booths.
But what happens when someone close to us, a friend even, comes and says to us, “I do agree with Trump about a few things. Why are we taking down monuments?” Is it better to say what is on our minds, and possibly lose a friend, or ignore the situation?
When angry, I remind myself of interviews I have had with Redford Williams, M.D., at Duke University. He is director of The Behavioral Medical Research Center and professor of psychiatry. Through his research he determined:
“People who are angry, bitter, hold onto grudges, cannot let go of the past will find that such hostility is a predictor of heart attacks.” Anger Kills: 17 Strategies for Controlling Hostility that Can Harm Your Health.
According to Karen Swartz, M.D., practicing psychiatrist and clinical programs director of the Johns Hopkins Mood Disorders Center:
“If someone is stuck in an angry state, what they’re essentially doing is being in a state of adrenaline. And some of the negative health consequences of not forgiving or being stuck there are high blood pressure, anxiety, depression, not having a good immune response. . . “
Although her advice pertained to individuals who are feeling angry, it is possible to follow her suggestions during such a stressful time in our nation’s history.
- Identify what the problems are.
- Work on relaxation techniques.
- Challenge your own reaction and response to the problem.
- Change your thoughts from negative to positive.
The forgiveness factor
How can we change our thoughts after a United States president says there were some good people walking among the neo-Nazis and white supremacists who created such havoc in Charlottesville? This might be where forgiveness comes in. Religious leaders have long told us about the value of forgiveness. But researchers are beginning to confirm the wisdom of our grandmothers who often quoted Ephesians 4:32, “Forgive and you shall be forgiven.”
Director of the Stanford University Forgiveness Projects, Fred Luskin, Ph.D., says that “forgiveness boils down to a simple choice: whether to dwell over past hurts or try to see the good in others.” His video, The Choice to Forgive is on the website of the Greater Good Science Center at Berkeley: http://ift.tt/2t7kEW0
An example of loving-kindness, Barack Obama
If we cannot look up to our own president, perhaps because we are too angry, we can pity him for lacking the empathy, understanding, and knowledge of our former President Barack Obama. In the midst of our outrage, Obama quoted Nelson Mandala, the man who was not afraid to declare that apartheid in South Africa was wrong. He served as leader from 1994 to 1999 and was imprisoned for many years. We should aspire to his wisdom.
This is what Obama tweeted and it has become the best liked Tweet in Twitter history.
“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin or his background or his religion …https://twitter.com/Twitter/status/897679617821089793
The rest of that quote is from Mandala’s The Long Walk to Freedom: ”People must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”
If we can embrace these words, then perhaps we can take pity on and forgive a president who appears to have missed the class on what it means to lead with integrity.
Copyright 2017 Rita Watson