Want To Improve Your Sex Life?
By Lisa Thomas, Licensed Relationship & Sex Therapist
Most people do! Being sexual is one of the healthiest things you can do. Not only is being in connection with someone physically good for your emotional health, it can be wonderful for you physically, not to mention pleasurable as well! People who have active ongoing sexual relationships are happier, in better physical health and live longer than their counterparts who do not have active sex lives. When couples have happy, healthy sex lives defined by having relations at least twice per month, they report being happier people overall and deal with the ongoing stresses of life better.
So what do you do if you feel like things in the intimate department aren’t going so great? Would you be interested in making them better? The following are 5 easy, simple steps to plug into your life that will make your sex life better, tonight. Even if you only do one of these steps you should see improvement.
Step 1, Tell the Truth
Tell the truth means two things. The first thing it means is to tell your partner the truth about how you feel about your sex life together. If you want more frequency, ask for it. If you want more foreplay make sure you talk to them about it. The second thing tell the truth means is to tell the truth about your experience in bed. For example if you have trouble having an orgasm because you need foreplay then ask them for that. If you need more kissing to feel aroused before sex then say so. Telling the truth means being honest about what you need sexually and having a discussion with your partner about it. You may feel shy about talking about sex but remember the best sex comes from couples who communicate about it.
Step 2, Really Ask For What You Want In Bed
Really asking for what you want in bed could sound like
“I wanted to tell you that I would like more foreplay when we are sexual before we have intercourse” or you could say
“I really need more kissing & touching outside the bedroom before we just start touching sexually in the bedroom” or
“I want us to experiment with different positions in bed rather than just the same position we always use for intercourse”.
Really asking for what you want in bed is a huge step towards having a better and more fulfilling sexual relationship. Remember, couples who have great sex do so because they have talked about it. Great sex ends up happening when you ask for what you want because then it’s a fulfilling experience.
Step 3, Let Go
Letting go of inhibitions is a great way to make the sex you have better. Letting go could mean that you try t focus more on relaxing during intimacy. It could mean letting go of the “way sex is supposed to look”. Letting go could be trying a new kind of foreplay that you haven’t experimented with or maybe haven’t done together with your partner in a long time. Letting go could mean that you experiment with having sex with a different script, so maybe kissing then intercourse then foreplay. Maybe letting go is trying a new sexual position or letting your partner watch you self-pleasure. Seeing how your partner masturbates is actually a great step to see how they like to be touched. Letting your inhibitions go with your partner can be a wonderful way to build intimacy, connect and strengthen your relationship.
Step 4, See a Doctor or a Therapist
Sometimes, medical issues can wreak havoc on a couple’s sexual relationship. Certain prescription drugs such as anti-depressants, sleep medications, heart medications and allergy medications can cause sexual functioning problems including difficulty with erections, trouble having an orgasm and lack of sexual desire. Talking to you Doctor and seeing if any of your medications cause sexual side effects is good to know. Sometimes asking to switch to a different drug can smooth things out, sometimes taking your medications opposite of when you have sex also seems to help.
In other cases, seeing a Couples Therapist together can be useful to talk through how you feel about your sexual relationship and to craft a plan for how to fix things moving forward. Certified Sex Therapists are also fabulous at helping you gain solutions to sexual functioning problems including how to last longer in bed. See www.AASECT.org to find a qualified sex therapist in your area or send me an email at email@example.com to set up a session to discuss your problem in person, over the phone or through FaceTime or Skype.
Step 5, Prioritize Your Sex Life
Things in your life that have priority get accomplished. If you set a goal to eat better, you are aware of your food. If you set a goal to get more sleep you go to bed earlier. If you set a goal to have a better physical relationship you will invest time into it. Most couples I work with in my private practice decide to set a goal of trying to go to bed together at least one night a week. By going to bed together, they then increase the touching, talking kissing and sex in the relationship overall. Not ready to go to bed together, then talk to your partner about why not. If issues loom in the relationship then either fix them or make peace with what they are. Disconnecting physically is bad for your relationship and bad for your own individual health. By making your relationship and sex a priority, you really are investing in yourself.
Make the changes today to see a better sex life tonight. Save your Sex Life also by listening to my free weekly Podcast “Family Affairs” available on iTunes where we ask all of the questions about relationships and sex so you don’t have to. Listen for free tips on keeping your marriage hot, lasting longer in bed and really pleasing your partner.