Let’s Wait Until After the Holidays

Source: Michele Weiner-Davis

Fancily wrapped presents, mistletoe, family gatherings, luscious aromas wafting from the kitchen, Christmas trees, Menorahs, the ball dropping on Times Square, champagne- the stuff holidays are made of.

But for too many, holidays mark the beginning of the end of their marriages.  Unhappy spouses often say, “Let’s just get through the holidays and then we’ll divorce.”   After all, no one wants to disappoint children or disrupt long-standing family traditions.

So, rather than ruin what is supposed to be joyous occasions, each year many people slap on happy faces, deck the halls with boughs of holly, ring in the new year, yet keep their attorneys on speed dial.

But starting about now- just as the marriage meter has run out- panic begins to set in; reality hits. Therapists’ phones have begun to ring off the hook.

It’s not that there’s anything wrong with wanting to make holidays memorable or to provide a sense of normalcy during family get-togethers.  That’s completely understandable.

It’s just that yearning for family stability from December 24th- January 2nd seems a bit arbitrary.  What happens after the first week in January when the divorce process is set in motion or attorneys are called to expedite matters?  What about future holidays and birthdays?  What happens to cherished family traditions in years to come?  

Here’s the point. 

Rather than have the holiday season be a charade, why not give the people in your life a real gift?  Why not fire your attorneys and give your marriage a fresh start?

It really is possible to change.  It really is possible to divorce your old marriage and start a new one with each other.  Uprooting your life and starting over is hard.  It takes a lot of work.  Why not invest half that energy into reinventing your marriage in 2018?

How about setting New Year’s resolutions, not dissolutions?  



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