20 Questions: How Well Do You Know Your Partner?

Think you know what your partner is all about?  Believe you are in touch with his or her inner world?  Take this 20-item quiz and find out. Go! 

1. Can you name two or more of your partner’s grandparents?  Yes No 

2. Do you know the stresses your partner’s facing now?  Yes   No

3. Do you know what your partner’s favorite movie or musical recording is?  Yes  No

4. Do you know your partner’s favorite dessert?  Yes  No 

5. Do you know three places your partner would love to visit?  Yes   No 

6. Can you list the relatives your partner cannot stand?  Yes  No

7. Can you name all your partner’s best friends?  Yes  No

8. Do you know precisely how and where your partner likes to be touched?   Yes  No

9. Do you know what your partner likes best about her/his work/job?   Yes  No

10. Do you know your partner’s least favorite task around the house? Yes   No

11. Do you know what food your partner does not like or cannot eat? Yes   No

12. Do you know how many times (in a perfect world) s/he would like to have sex per week?  Yes  No

13. Do you know the people (or politicians) who have been irritating your partner recently?  Yes   No

14. Can you describe your partner’s philosophy of life (how s/he makes sense of this world)? Yes  No

15. Do you know what your partner wanted to grow up to be when s/he was a child?  Yes  No

16. Do you know what your partner is most proud of?  Yes  No

17. Do you know what your partner is most insecure about?  Yes No

18. Do you know what scent or smell your partner likes most?  Yes  No

19. Do you know which superpower your partner wish that s/he had?  Yes  No

20. Can you talk in detail about your partner’s dreams/life goals?  Yes   No

Before you jump to the scores, the only real way to test your knowledge of your partner is to prove you know by checking it out with him or her. So before clapping yourself on the back, have a conversation with him or her and see if you really know.

Okay, your score:

16 or more yes answers: Whoa! You know your partner extremely well. It’s like telepathy.

11 to 15: You know your partner moderately well. Not bad if you’ve been together for only a few months or just a year or two.

6 to 10: There’s plenty of room for improvement. As your partner may not be an open book, get past the cover and start reading.

5 or fewer: Think of it like this: Your partner is your research project. Get to know him or her. If this project bores you, then you may have chosen the wrong topic.

John Gottman has researched what factors predict relationship success and failure for decades. What predicts successful couples down the road? The quality of their friendship. This quiz shines a light on some elements of what Dr. Gottman refers to as your “love map.” In a survey of 200 couples attending a weekend workshop, he found that the best predictor of passion and romance was not hot sex, or constant public displays of affection, but the quality of the partners’ friendship. So, being BFFs may be the most important predictor of your relationship success. As a practicing clinician, my recommendation is that you get friendly and familiar with your partner. The choice is yours.

Kyle D. Killian, PhD, LMFT is author of Interracial Couples, Intimacy & Therapy: Crossing Racial Borders from Columbia University Press.



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