“What one really needs is not Nobel laureates but love. How do you think one gets to be a Nobel laureate? Wanting love, that’s how. Wanting it so bad one works all the time and ends up a Nobel laureate. It’s a consolation prize. What matters is love.” ~ Dr. George Wald, Harvard biologist who won the Nobel Peace prize
Linda: To become a great lover requires being able to acquire the voice of love. Some people are quite inhibited about giving voice to the love they feel inside. But it is possible to stretch even through it may feel awkward and embarrassing at first to expose our tender feelings. It becomes more natural to do so over time. Like any other practice that we take on, we gain competence and confidence with many repetitions. The process is the same as learning to play a musical instrument, becoming more adept at a sport, or learning to understand and speak a foreign language. But in all these challenges to master the new skills, diligent practiceis required.
It is helpful to visualize the beauty of our love expanding and flourishing as a result of our efforts. By keeping the unfolding of our tender partnership in mind, that commitment to our deepest heart’s desire becomes larger than the fear and anxiety that may holds us back. The motivation can stay high to keep going toward our goal.
Tuning in to the other to become aware of what they most would like us to say is an important part of the process. He may be acknowledging of how capably she runs the household while she is longing to hear that she is beautiful. She may be acknowledging him for being an attractive man, while he is longing to hear her appreciation for being a hard working and an abundant provider.
It’s perfectly fine to ask our partner what would be soothing and validating to hear. It is idiosyncratic; each individual has yearnings to be seen and recognized in a specific way. It is the wise lover who discerns the particular way that the voice of love will be most effective.
The messages enhance the partnership and lift it to a higher plane only when they are sincere and heartfelt. When the messages are delivered full heart, as badly as our lover may desire to hear them, they may have resistance at the same time. Don’t be deterred if they have trouble receiving the exquisite gift of your words. Additional deliveries may be required. Our praise of their magnificence may not fit with their self-concept at first. Repetitions may be needed for both of us.
In our own way, we begin to speak like the poets speak and it is perfectly fine to borrow from their volumes. When the voice of love becomes a free flowing feature of the relationship we are transported to a higher plane. The ordinary is transformed to the extraordinary, and that’s about as good as it gets!
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